


flame game

by allmywill



Category: Arcadia (UK Band), Duran Duran, The Power Station (Supergroup)
Genre: Abstract, Angst, Biting, Cheating, Confessions, Consensual Sex, Crying, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Regret, Roughness, Secrets, Wall Sex, kinda dark but not too much, this is a bit of a wreck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:40:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23268598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmywill/pseuds/allmywill
Summary: Nick knows he shouldn’t be here.He shouldn’t be doing this.
Relationships: Nick Rhodes/John Taylor (Duran Duran), Simon Le Bon/Nick Rhodes
Comments: 25
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a little darker than usual for me, i blame all the Depeche Mode i’ve been listening to. enjoy?

Nick knows he shouldn’t be here.

He shouldn’t be doing this.

But he forgets all about that when John lays a hand on him, trashed from a bender gone much too far. They’ve gone much too far. Clothes litter the floor, vintage pieces meticulously cared for now fallen and torn. Red and black, John’s own don’t look much better.

Backed into the wall, Nick succumbs to his touch. He worships it, yearns for it though he shouldn’t. _Shouldn’t_. The word doesn’t mean anything when John’s hovering over him, alcohol-tainted lips biting his. A bruising kiss sets Nick’s skin on fire, and again, he’s reminded of why he shouldn’t be here. _How do you dare, step into my flame._

Simon thinks he’s just visiting his band mate, his best friend. Simon is waiting for his return, as the hours grow late. Simon is probably alone penning lyrics for the album they’re creating together.

Nick gasps, John’s nails raking down his back, rough. Dark eyes flick up his form, his tousled hair, unshaven face. He’s not the same. He’s so far from Nigel, though sometimes Nick swears he can still see him, buried underneath all his front. He is such a facade.

He brings a hand up to card through his hair, black as night. Tugging on it forces his head back, and he takes this a chance to attack his neck. He sucks on Nick’s skin, leaving behind marks of varying sizes. Makeup might cover them. It might not.

John pushes him further into the wall, his legs parting without much thought. He hooks his hands on the backs of his thighs, lifting him up as he slides into him. He cries out, his grip on John tightening, hands digging into his skin now.

He drives him into the wall so hard he thinks it may give way. Without mercy, John pushes in, and Nick wraps his legs around his hips. His skin is clammy, his breath uneven. He forgets where he should be. He forgets what brought him here. All he can recall is the burning heat in his touch and the wild pounding of his own heartbeat.

Nick nips and bites wherever he can, working along his neck. John’s hands remain on his thighs, supporting him as he fucks him, hard and dirty. His back arches away from the wall, but John pushes hard enough to send him right back into it again and again.

This is the finale of his bender, the night drawing to a close. With the all the substances running through his veins, he won’t remember a second of this; only faded lipstick stains and aching muscles will help him recall the night’s events. Nick will be gone, back in Simon’s loving arms.

As he comes all over his stomach, the guilt outweighs the pleasure. John’s thrusts stutter and he fills him, their union filthy from beginning to end. His fluids spill down his thigh. John lets go and Nick slides down the wall, weak at the knees. Completely wrecked, he looks at John. He sinks too, meeting the floor. He’s become acquainted with it over the last few months.

He won’t remember a thing. Nick will remember everything. The scene will stay behind his lids when Simon caresses him, handling him much gentler than he was just handled. The heat of his touch has burned through his clothes, through his skin, through his memory.

Nick shouldn’t be here.

He should be in Simon’s arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn’t leave this one alone, and i need to indulge in some angst. i’m sorry for all the hearts i may break!! i promise it gets better.

Somehow, Nick makes it back to their hotel before sunrise.

His hair is wet and mussed from the quick shower he had to take at John’s apartment. There’s leftover eyeliner smudged beneath his eyes, whatever failed to come off during his five minutes under the water. He’s in one of John’s shirts; it’s obvious, with the way it hangs off of his shoulder and the sleeves are rolled up.

The shirt covers the love bites, but he soon realizes it won’t help him much. The rest of him is evidence of what he did. Nick hopes Simon is asleep, though knowing him, he probably waited up for his return. And he’ll have to face him eventually.

He unlocks the door to find him sitting on the bed with the TV on low volume. He looks his way and Nick’s stomach feels queasy as they make eye contact in the warm lamplight.

What hurts even more is how happy he looks when he sees his face.

“Jesus, Nick, I was getting worried.” Simon looks him up and down. “You should have called.”

Nick nods, setting down his bag. He knows what he’s going to say next. “I’m sorry, I lost track of time.”

Simon gets up and takes him into his arms. He’s warm against his body, and for a second, things are okay.

But he pulls away prematurely and the small smile on his face fades just as quickly as it appeared. “What’s with the shirt? Is that John’s?”

“Charlie, I—” Nick cuts himself off, for fear of shattering in front of him. He is cracking, a dam ready to burst any moment. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“What happened, Nick?”

Lost for words, but not for tears, Nick brushes his hair away from his neck and moves the massive shirt. A trail of bruises litter his skin there, telling the story of what happened a mere hour ago.

Simon swallows, eyes widening. Nick wants to close his eyes and let this moment pass, but it drags on and on. He’s caught in the middle of it.

“Who was it?”

“John.” Glassy eyed, he crumbles. He needs Simon’s touch now more than ever. “It was John.”

Simon sighs, sitting back down on the bed. “Not the first time, huh?”

“Since... since we’ve been together it is.”

“You’ve always been closer to him,” Simon croaks coldly. “It’s always been _him_. I was an afterthought.”

A lone tear carves a path down Nick’s cheek. He’s aching and doesn’t know what will make it stop. “That’s not true, Charlie. I wouldn’t be here with you now if it was.”

“Then why did you go and fuck him then? Just to come crawling back to me when the fun’s over?”

Nick watches a tear stream down his cheek. He rarely gets to see Simon cry. And Simon rarely gets to see _him_ cry.

“He’s not the same. _The drugs_. I watched him do line after line,” Nick’s voice has become a strangled sob, trying to keep himself together and failing miserably. “I thought I could... I thought...”

He trails off as he looks at Simon, blue eyes leaking. A tear meets his jawline and his heart breaks more.

“Fix him. But all I did was hurt you.” Nick wipes his eyes with the sleeve of John’s shirt, staining the white fabric with eyeliner. “I’m sorry, I’ll go call a cab.”

Simon gets up as he turns away, a hand on his shoulder. “Please Nick, don’t.”

“But—”

“It’ll hurt me more if you leave.”

Nick crashes into him, melting into his touch. The dam bursts, sobs rip through him as he clutches onto Simon wherever he can. He holds him as his own tears flow free, breaking with him.

Simon draws a hand up and strokes his hair, still quite damp. The embrace doesn’t heal everything, but Nick has a little more hope that they will eventually. That tiny spark is just enough to keep him going.

“I’m still so fucking _sorry_ ,” Nick breathes into his chest.

“Did he hurt you?” Simon asks, voice shot. “Please tell me he didn’t hurt you.”

“I’m okay,” Nick replies. “A little roughed up is all.”

Simon runs his hand down his back. “Is he alright?”

“He was awake when I left. I hope he is.” Nick feels even more guilty for leaving him alone, with everything in his system.

Loosening his grip, Simon keeps him at arm's length. “We need to go check on him.”

Nick nods, wiping his eyes again. “Alright,” he says, taking a deep breath. “Let’s go.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one’s hard to let go of. this might not be the last!

Nick and Simon arrive back at John’s apartment just as the sun is coming up. It’s been a long night for both of them; the endless night blending into a new day, dark bleeding into light.

As he knocks on the door, Nick notes how he can still feel the tear stains on his cheeks. He must be quite the sight to any random passerby, with last night’s makeup smeared and his hair flat and lifeless.

He looks to Simon, who knocks louder. They can’t hear anything, which makes them worry even more. Before Nick can knock again, the door swings open to reveal, of all people, Andy.

“Uh, hey, guys.” Andy looks at the two of them inquisitively. “I just got ‘ere, I dunno, ten minutes ago? Do you have any idea what happened?”

He steps aside to let them in, eyeing Nick’s face. “And what the hell happened to _you?_ ” he gestures to him.

“Long story. We wanted to make sure he was alright.”

“He was just mumbling something about you,” Andy tells him, “I haven’t got the slightest clue what he was trying to tell me though.”

Simon drapes an arm around Nick. “Where is he?”

“In his room. I put him to bed, keepin’ an eye on him now.” Andy can’t seem to draw his eyes away from Nick, and really, he doesn’t blame him. “Were you here last night, Nick?”

“For a while, yeah. Things got... bad. Old habits, old flames.”

Thankfully Andy seems to have put two and two together, because he nods. It’s weird to see him so unguarded, without shades to hide the sheer emotion in his eyes. “Alright. I won’t ask anymore. As long as you’re okay. He gets a little carried away when he gets like this... rough.”

Nick wonders how he knows that. He doesn’t question further. “I’m fine,” he says with half a smile.

“I have things under control, if you two need to go. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy night.”

“Really wasn’t. Are you sure?”

Andy smiles. “Yeah, I’ve got him. He’ll be alright, he just needs somebody to put him in his place.”

“That would be you,” Simon remarks, leaning down to wrap him in a classic Le Bon hug. He reciprocates, squeezing him back.

When they let go, Andy reaches for Nick, their embrace much easier since they stand at a similar height. “Thank you,” Nick says into his shoulder.

As they leave, Nick can’t stop thinking about Andy’s words. It won’t be easy for either of them, but he reckons the best thing to do is give John a call when he comes to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure if i like this or not. just trying to tie up some loose ends before i delve into my new fics!

“So, do you remember what happened the other night I was over? Anything at all?”

“Hardly. There was coke, there was drink. And... your eyes, staring at me. Judging me.”

“I don’t like seeing you hurt yourself. I’ll never approve of it. I just can’t, Nigel.”

“Nigel has been gone a long time. You know it too.”

“I look at you and I see him, still. Somehow. You could turn your life around. You don’t have to do this to yourself.”

“Maybe not at first, but I do now. I... I don’t know any other way.”

“Any other way to do what?”

“To feel. Something, anything. It’s better than nothing.”

“You won’t feel anything when you’re _dead_. I shouldn’t have left you that night. Thankfully Andy was there when I wasn’t. You could have killed yourself.”

“Why’d you leave me then?”

“We fucked, John. You were touching me all night long and I just slipped. I was remembering how things used to be, trying to get through to you. Didn’t work.”

“Fucking _shit_ , does Charlie know? Are you guys okay?”

“He knows. We’re fine. He got over it pretty quick when he found out what a disaster you were. He’s just as worried as I am.”

“Nick... I— are _you_ okay?”

“I’ve been better. Can we just talk about this? Us?”

“Uh, yeah. We can.”

“We had our time, our flame. It’s over now. Can we let it go for good this time? No more games?”

“We have to. I can’t keep... hurting the ones I love. I need to get myself together somehow.”

“Please try. For me, for the band, for yourself.”

“I’ll try. I’m sorry, for everything.”

“I’m sorry too, Nigel.”


End file.
